I couldn’t have imagined the day would ever come that Icould survive without using. If any of you are addicts or know addicts, thisthought is the one that haunts us. Can Iever make it through the day – let alone the next hour – without taking adrink, or eating that cake, or taking something to dull my feelings? How arepeople able to have one drink and leave it at that? How can someone eat justone piece of chocolate or one potato chip? OMG is that even possible?
And for me, it wasn’t. I went for years hiding that I had adrinking problem; I couldn’t hide the eating disorder because it showed allover my body. But the drinking was moresubtle, and unless you knew me well, I was very good at covering.
And all that changed 29 years ago today. I had been seeing atherapist who gave me an ultimatum – either stop drinking or she would no longersee me. And that was challenging for mesince I truly believed that she cared about me. So I went into an inpatient treatment for 5 weeks during which time Idetoxed and came face to face with some of the feelings I had been suppressing.And that was the beginning of a new journey where I had to go through all of myfears, and joys and face the world in sobriety.
If there is one thing that I have learned it is that wenever go through things alone if we choose to engage. It is my choice to isolate or engage, andtoday I choose to let people in and be part of the human race. We all have elements of the same problems –money, relationships, health, family or lack thereof, life situations. We all face infirmity, hunger, fatigue,anger, frustration, fear and the wide range of human emotions. The question for me is: what do I learn so Idon’t have repeat the most painful bits?
So I share my sobriety with you today. I didn’t do it by myself but with the helpand support of many individuals and many fellowships. I didn’t do it all at once, struggled day today with the fears of life, and today I mark a new landmark on thisjourney. My advice to you if you arestruggling with an addiction is own it and be truthful to yourself. And if you can do this, you love yourselfenough to move to the next stage to save your life. You’re worth it!!
Want Help? Contact Alcoholics Anonymous. There are meetings everywhere worldwide, and their program works - if you work it.